What's Over the Rainbow?

A friend I don’t see often asked me this question over dinner a few weeks ago…

“If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you pursue?”

It wasn’t a hard question. I knew the answer immediately. I’ve known it a long time and yet the instant those words washed over me, my stomach got tense and my heart started racing. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the “what.” Oh no I could confidently answer that. But I was afraid of the “If.”

I’m a full-throttle, strong-willed, obstinate, opinionated, risk-taking, adventure-seeking and ok, often prideful, kind of girl.

You know that kid. The one the teacher calls “a leader” with a smirk on her face that says “but right now she’s a huge pain in the ass and never follows directions.” I’ve got 2 leaders of my own so I know it well and the 3rd is well on his way to a category no teacher has ever seen in her career.

I don’t leave much room for “ifs” in my world. You just figure out a way to make things happen and throw yourself into it. Yet there I was sitting at the table, left with that horrible preposition. IF I KNEW I couldn’t FAIL…

But there is no sweet assurance I can’t fail, is there? How can you guarantee I can’t fail? What happens when I don’t succeed and fail to meet my own expectations? There’s no room for my pride in the midst of all that.

AND.I’VE.GOT.PRIDE.

So where does that leave me? You can mold it in your own head and wrestle with your own demons and insecurities, but in that moment when you say, “I’d love to ….” the innocence and simplicity of it all is stolen. When you boldly share your dreams and longings, they don’t belong to just you any longer. They belong to the world. For them to give their input, advice, judgment, opinions. They become vulnerable. YOU become vulernable. It’s like that sweet time when you first find out you’re pregnant and you have this little secret for a few short weeks. You don’t have to share the experience with anyone yet, but as soon as you blast it out there to the world, your doubts and insecurities are often preyed upon in the form of never-ending advice…sleeping (you should get some), feeding (my 5 year old has lived off hot dogs and nuggets his entire life and still has a normal boy brain that speaks of poop and farts), TV or no TV (No can be your answer until you have a 2nd child and then Good Luck) and by the end of it all, you can be left feeling like you have even less of a clue than when you first started the conversation…questioning why you ever stopped using birth control in the first place.  Or why you ever dared to have a dream in the first place.

OH yes we can name every insecurity that speaks lies into our heads and always be able to find someone who validates those. That very fear and pride is what stops us from doing and being what we were CREATED to be.

She must have thought I was never going to answer because it felt like we sat in silence for minutes on end when I’m sure it was a mere few seconds. But my brain couldn’t get past that “IF…” You see it’s in the moments when I rely on my own abilities that I become my own worst enemy. And it’s only in the quiet moments when I step back into God’s presence that I’m reminded He already went BEFORE ME and made the path before I even arrived at it.

Hear me! THERE IS NO ROOM FOR FAILURE WHEN YOU SAY YES TO GOD. Failure according to the world? Yes that will happen at some point. But it is in the act of obedience to God that you’ve already been successful in His eyes. It’s in the act of boldly saying Yes to Him even when it makes no sense. And does it really matter if I don’t look successful according to the world?

Today. Yes. But I’m working towards a tomorrow where it doesn’t.

When we set goals, we always place expectations around the outcome. But God strips that pride away because it no longer becomes what you want to accomplish but what God wants to accomplish through you. I can just imagine him whispering to me “If you can boldly say yes regardless of what others think, I have BIG plans for you my child. Bigger and riskier and more adventurous than you even know.” That’s great news for this lover of adventure.

But saying Yes to God often means having to say No. He gives. He takes away. Following Him requires us to embrace that give and take because He knows what is best for us. Letting him take away things that have become familiar and comfortable allows Him to replace them with new challenges that glorify Him in new ways. That can feel scary too but it’s so glorious when you see the outcome.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

God didn’t only give you the idea, the longing, the dream. He’s asking me to live in the confidence that He’s then going to sustain the very passion He put there for His own glory. A confidence and boldness that can only come when I put my complete faith in Him. A confidence and boldness that He has uniquely equipped me to do it well because what fills my soul isn’t what fills the person sitting next to me.

He created you to be in this place at this time with this generation using this talent.

Don’t miss that. If you can allow Him, He will remove all fear of failure and replace it with excitement and expectancy around something only He can do through you. I want to live a life that rarely makes sense, but one that reflects the desire of my heart to pray boldly and then obediently say yes. Because if God has ordained it, there can be no room for fear.

So I looked at my sweet supportive friend and with a smile said,

“If I knew I couldn’t fail, I would be a writer.”

“A writer of what?” she said.

“Of truth. Of real. Of joy.”