A Thousand Lies & Seven Truths

Without even realizing it’s happening, I will choose the lie every single time. I posted not too long ago how I was going to jump back into writing. And then…..silence. I’ve been working through the transformative Priscilla Shirer’s Armor of God and it’s been like a slap across the face or like someone pinning you against a wall. In the nicest kind of way. Because for at least 2-39ish years, I have found myself stuck in this cycle of hearing God’s voice, hearing another not-so-nice voice, hearing God’s voice say that other voice is full of lies, asking God if he’s quite certain about that and then choosing to believe those very lies - which always manage to point out my deepest insecurities. Like all 1,000 of them. Ever play the game Two Truths & a Lie? Real life feels more like A Thousand Lies & Seven Truths.

“You’re not a writer.”

“There are enough people wanting to do this. We most definitely do not need another.”

“Why would anyone care what you have to say when so many others say it so much more eloquently?”

“Stay in your zone. There’s not enough room for you out here.”

“Your thoughts are super cute. They’re even cuter if you could keep them to yourself.”

“Let the big dogs play in this arena. Get back to what you know how to do.”

“What if you look back and realize you wasted all your time on this? You can’t get that time back.”

“There’s a big chance you’re going to fail. But if you stay in your lane right here, you already know you’re good at this.”

“People are going to judge you. Some may walk away. They may even talk about you. You know you can’t handle the ridicule.”

“Without question, you will fail. And then what? Everyone will be watching when it happens too.”

So I sit quietly. Passively. Two words never used to describe me. Yet there I’ve sat.

I have some empowering truth-telling friends in my life. Those poor long-suffering creatures. They have listened to me moan and whine and say the same thing in a million different ways. I send late-night texts that say “Pray for me” when really I’ve meant TELL ME WHAT TO DO because who has time to wait for God’s answer. They’ve challenged me with mind-blowing truths instead of simply saying “Oh sweet heavens, enough already. We don’t even care anymore if you write because you’re beating us down. In fact, if you do, we will personally tell everyone not to read it. Also I’m unfriending you and blocking your number. Good luck with life you loser. Maybe you should write a book and title it ‘Pray for Me. I’m a Loser.’” Geez, maybe don’t moan and whine to me because I guess I already have a response typed. Instead, I think they ACTUALLY have prayed about it and not just said they would, like I do. When I said it to you though, I definitely meant it.

Those God-spoken truths…spoken straight from the source and through friends…they’re starting to be louder than that other lying and cheating voice. So if you’re out there battling some inner clash of good and evil, here are seven truths I hope you can cling to with everything you’ve got.

• If you know what your “Yes” is to God, remember He’s only asking for it today. You don’t need to already know you’re willing to say Yes tomorrow. You’ll wake up tomorrow and you’ll be ready for that Yes then. Or you may not be ready and that’s ok too. He treasures you regardless as His child and He’s also pretty persistent. You’ll have enough sleepless nights and distracted thoughts, that your body will cave. I just had the BEST soulful sleep last night because I poured out my heart onto the keyboard before going to bed. I woke up and it was like God said “Awwwww. I knew we’d get there. Well done.”

• People are still searching for their passion and calling from God. That soul-stirring desire that still keeps them awake at night. So if you know what yours is, GO DO IT! Don’t waste even more time. You are in a sweet spot to have that burning in your heart and the ability to name what it is. But if that’s you – the one who looks at someone’s roaring passion and you feel left behind because you can’t name yours - pray about it and ask God to show you what it is. Not just the southern hospitality Pray for Me. Call a friend who fervently speaks to God and say “Listen woman, I need your help. Pray for me.” Maybe be a little nicer.

• It doesn’t need to be perfect. The list you have in your head of what MUST be done before you can say “yes” to God, they’re nothing more than excuses and a delay tactic like a child getting out of bedtime. No, you DON’T need another glass of water that will make you pee your bed in the middle of the night interrupting my sleep and causing me to lose my ever-loving mind in the morning when you still wake me up at 6:00 am after only giving me a few hours of sleep. I guarantee you will have 20/20 vision when you look back in 2 years and realize how much better you could have done it all. And that’s okay. If you wait for perfection, you most definitely won’t ever begin. It’s a beautiful mess and it gives others hope to see that they too can start without having it all figured out. Because guess what? Everyone does.

• Chase after those who encourage your heart. Who breathe life into your dreams even when you’ve beaten them down with the same doubts on Day 764. You need those warriors. And do the same for them. We all need cheerleaders armed and ready to slam down your own demons feeding you a thousand lies.

• There is space for you to pursue that passion in the midst of a crowded room chasing after the same dream. There.Is.Room. God has made the space. You don’t need to kick anyone out of the room. Nor does anyone have to invite you in first. You invite yourself. God will move everyone else over to make space because He needs you sitting at the table with the rest of them. Even if they don’t realize it, they can’t do it alone because they weren’t created to do that. So put on your favorite outfit, awkwardly walk yourself in and own your bad self.

• What if God has even MORE for you? Better than you imagined? That cycle of comfortable you’re spinning in out of habit, what if you’re supposed to make a hard right. Ever driven in a roundabout? Oy. Remember the first time you hit the gas and jumped out into one, and you’re like AHHHHHHH Is this the turn? IS IT? And then you drive around a few times watching others until you realize what in the world to do next. Honestly why could there not just be a stop sign. Now when I go through the one in our town, I’m like WEEEEEEEEE. You have to take a right and leave the circle at some point or you’ll just keep driving around and around waiting for someone else to show you what to do. They don’t know what turn you should take because it’s not life. Step out. Be uncomfortable. Make the hard right.

• You are going to be scared to death. Putting yourself out there and doing something new is vulnerable. And vulnerable RARELY feels good. Being vulnerable and then failing NEVER feels good. What I’m about to say sounds like a preschool Sunday School class I do realize. But aren’t those filled with the most basic of truths. Can we all sit through preschool Sunday School class again please? **You could never be a failure in the eyes of God.** I’m learning failure is when you pick up expectations God never intended you to carry. We are so quick to say something was a failure because it didn’t turn out how we expected. That’s because we wrote the ending. But what if that “failure ending” was the very ending God planned? If it’s part of his plan, I’m claiming it as not a failure.

Has something been burning in your soul that you haven’t felt courageous enough to take a hard right? Maybe you already started it but came to a quick stop because it felt like you failed? Or maybe you’re longing for a soul-stirring desire and feel frustrated because you can’t name it? Whatever camp you fall in, own it. Or write it down here and I’ll pray for you. ;)